Turning "Oh Crap" Moments into Growth with Restorative Practices
Watching “Inside Out 2” with my 17, 13, and 6-year-old children was an actual gift. It brought up so many emotions, thoughts, aha moments, and those “I wish I did this differently” moments. Seeing this movie validated so many emotions and what I was able to see in my own children who are going through this precious time of their lives called adolescence.
One of my favorite quotes from the movie was the introduction to the new emotions, especially Anxiety: “My job is to protect her from the scary stuff she can’t see. I plan for the future.” This line hit me hard. I began to think, ‘Oh crap, I am my children’s real-life anxiety, and I need to calm down and learn how to guide without causing more anxiousness.’ This realization led me to the importance of having tools in our own backpack that would assist with helping our own control of our anxiety and that of our pubescent children. The idea of restorative justice comes to mind.
Remember that tiny island for parents compared to the GIGANTIC friend island? Yep, that's us. Who else feels like a forgotten statue on their teenager’s emotional rollercoaster?
Here's the thing: while we might not be the center of their world anymore, there are still amazing ways to connect and guide them through this wild time. Enter restorative practices – a fancy term for a superpower us parents can totally learn.
What's the Deal with Restorative Practices?
Let’s look at alternatives to punishment and lectures (been there, done that, right?). Restorative practices are all about open communication, taking responsibility for mistakes, and working together to fix things. It's like hitting the reset button and building stronger relationships in the process.
Here's How to Channel Your Inner Restorative Rockstar:
Make your house HQ for open ears: Let your teen know they can come to you with anything, without judgment. Show them you're truly listening by putting away your phone and making eye contact.
Ask questions, not accusations: When things go sideways, ditch the "why did you...?" and try "what happened?" or "how can we fix this?" This encourages your teen to take ownership and participate in finding solutions.
Repair Harm: Help them understand how their actions affected others. Maybe they need to apologize or make amends. Focus on learning and growing, not just saying sorry.
Lead by Example: We all mess up! When you make a mistake, own it and apologize. Show them how to handle conflict with grace and a focus on fixing things.
Building a Team, Not a Power Struggle: Remember how Riley's friends became the biggest island in her mind? Teens crave connection with their peers. Restorative practices can extend beyond family to help your teen and their friends resolve conflict in a healthy way.
Superhero Support, Not Sidekick Status: We all want to empower our kids to be the best versions of themselves. Restorative practices give your teen the chance to learn from mistakes, make amends, and become more accountable. This builds confidence and resilience, making them the hero of their own story!
Remember, becoming a restorative justice superhero takes practice! There will be bumps along the road. But let’s embrace restorative practices and create a supportive environment where our children can thrive. After all, as “Inside Out 2” beautifully illustrates, it’s not about eliminating anxiety or other challenging emotions but about learning to work with them and grow from them.
Looking for more resources? Check out the Restorative Practices Parent Handbook: https://www.restorativeresources.org/uploads/5/6/1/4/56143033/restorative_practices_parent_handbook_pdf.pdf
Did you miss the part where they showed the “family island”? Watch it HERE!
